I can tuck mytits in my pants
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
