she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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