I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I need moral support for this bender
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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