I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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