i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
