woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
