At least make sure they are 18
Why
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
