whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
