I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
