I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
