so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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