we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
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I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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