I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
