I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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