I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
