In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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