The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
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You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
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I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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