something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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