He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
