I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
