I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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