I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
