Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
