I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
