Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize
