dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
