I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
