I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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