After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
