I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
