My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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