I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
