I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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