Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
