evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
