im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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