I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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