Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
