Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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