and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize