Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
