Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
