She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
