loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
