So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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