He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
