It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
