he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
