Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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