I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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