I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
