You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Pants are for mortals
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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