If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
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Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
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He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize