getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
