Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
