So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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