I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
