She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
