Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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