yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
are you so shy because you have an std?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
