She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
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It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
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What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm getting married
To pizza
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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