I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
