i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
