Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
