Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
