if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
