Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
