Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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