I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
