We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
