I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
