I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
