Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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