you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
