Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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