history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
